Broken Logic

You're not supposed to follow it, and if you do, there's cookies at the finish line, just for you (which wasn't supposed to rhyme, I do that all the time. Dammit, see? -stops talking).

I'm in a mood to write
I don't know what to say
It's like the same confusion
Moves me through every day
So I project the same illusion
A lie in every way
But I'm just so ashamed of losing
That I'm afraid to play

I don't expect you to understand broken logic
It's easier if you don't
Leaves me free to remain honest
I'm holding on to my hope
Don't know what I'd be if I lost it
But like sand through an hourglass
It gets closer and closer to gone
I forget why I'm holding on

And I'm such a monster
My fight with it is so constant
To you, I just seem awkward
That's cool

How would you look at me
If you could see the things I've done
Would you see the progression
What I've been to what I've become?
My mouth makes the wrong impression
I stay silent
You just think I'm dumb
And that's cool

Sometimes I'm inarticulate
I can't explain the things I'm trying to say
It hurts my mouth to speak sometimes
The pain gets in the way
I dance around the subjects
That make the monster upset
And you just think I'm scared
That's cool

But it's cruel at the same time
I'm at war with my own mind
And you can't see it.
Vulnerability makes me weak
So I can't be it
How can I help but to sometimes
Get mad at a world
That left me alone in the spotlight
Just a scared little girl
With all this emotion
And no place to hold it
And no way to control it
Where no words could console it
And nothing fills the hole

I guess all I'm asking for is time
Convoluted and trapped in the words of this rhyme
Is my heart
If I can't get it back from the page
It'll fall apart
The confusion that moves it
Is it's death
And without my hope and my heart
I'll have nothing left

Doomed to write about a sunrise
That I'll never see
Doomed to dream about a woman
That I'll never be
Doomed to follow broken logic
Down a dead end road
Shoulders heavy with emotion
That I can't control
A tortured soul