Hey future.
You're not ready for me,
and I'm not ready for you.
I can see what I want,
but I can't see what to do.
So I'm stuck in the present.
It's a gift and a curse.
It seems like trying to chase you
is only making things worse.
So hey future,
I think we may need some time apart.
Right now, you're somebody's present,
and it's breaking my heart.
I don't need you to need me.
I just need you to see
that I'm everything you keep trying
to get her to be.
But hey future.
I understand the road.
It goes up, it goes down,
it has to's, it has fro's,
one day it'll come around
and your heart will feel home.
guarantee that day you'll be with me.
But you'll see.
And hey future,
I realize your appeal is the fact
that I can't figure out if you're real.
Maybe this is a joke.
Maybe you'll disappear.
But I blink, and you're always still here.
I still fear
One day future
that it'll be too late.
You'll be stuck in the lies
and the tears and the hate.
I'll be watching.
But I can't save you from your fate.
Maybe the future of futures just isn't that great.
Know what, future?
I think it's time for me to say goodnight
I refuse to get lost in this small, silly plight.
I'll survive it
like I survive everything else
I'll come out, when it's done
Knowing more of myself.
And I meant it,
when I told you that we should take a break
Cus I'm really not sure how much more I can take
But I want you
to understand you're always in my heart.
And that I'll think of you in the time we're apart.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Limits
See I put you at a distance
told myself you were off limits
With respect to your relationship
And both the parties in it
Didn't like her for a second
But my instincts I neglected
Who was I to interfere?
I often inwardly reflected.
So I played my own position
Told myself I wouldn't listen
To that silly part inside of me
That's always on a mission
"Break them up. Make him your own.
Then you won't have to be alone."
But I just couldn't trade my loneliness
For your so happy home.
But now the clock is ticking
And I'm laying in my bed
And we're having conversations
We've only had in my head
And I'm saying all the things
That I swear I wouldn't have said
Because I wouldn't trade my loneliness
For your so happy home
And now she's a thing of the past
You two couldn't make it last
But she hurt you, so she's worthy of
A swift kick in the ass
And I'm angry thinking of the time
We foolishly let pass
While I wouldn't trade my loneliness
For your so happy home
Because you were still unhappy
And I was still alone
And just when I get visions of us talking on the phone
Yes, just when I get visions of us making something grow
Oh
She's back
No, of course,
Darling, of course I'm happy for that.
Of course I want you to make that work
Of course you take that chance
You and I?
Never in a million years would that work out
No, you need to spend this time with her
You've got things to figure out.
Now I toss and turn at night
Now I'm listless
I'd gladly go back to distance
But you took off the limits.
told myself you were off limits
With respect to your relationship
And both the parties in it
Didn't like her for a second
But my instincts I neglected
Who was I to interfere?
I often inwardly reflected.
So I played my own position
Told myself I wouldn't listen
To that silly part inside of me
That's always on a mission
"Break them up. Make him your own.
Then you won't have to be alone."
But I just couldn't trade my loneliness
For your so happy home.
But now the clock is ticking
And I'm laying in my bed
And we're having conversations
We've only had in my head
And I'm saying all the things
That I swear I wouldn't have said
Because I wouldn't trade my loneliness
For your so happy home
And now she's a thing of the past
You two couldn't make it last
But she hurt you, so she's worthy of
A swift kick in the ass
And I'm angry thinking of the time
We foolishly let pass
While I wouldn't trade my loneliness
For your so happy home
Because you were still unhappy
And I was still alone
And just when I get visions of us talking on the phone
Yes, just when I get visions of us making something grow
Oh
She's back
No, of course,
Darling, of course I'm happy for that.
Of course I want you to make that work
Of course you take that chance
You and I?
Never in a million years would that work out
No, you need to spend this time with her
You've got things to figure out.
Now I toss and turn at night
Now I'm listless
I'd gladly go back to distance
But you took off the limits.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Lonely
Louis Vuitton luggage
And first class seats
All of it means nothing
If you’re not with me
I’d rather take a road trip
With you by my side
I’d rather be boo’d up low
Than solo fly
But, the game don’t stop just cus I want it
It’s the price I pay for the road I’m on and
Sometimes, somedays, I just might call you to
Make sure you know that I adore you
Now this airport food, it just can’t feed me and
this life is good but it ain’t easy
These designer things, they can’t console me
Because I need your arms to hold me
I guess it’s like my mama told me
I’d rather be broke than lonely
Written: 07.18.09
And first class seats
All of it means nothing
If you’re not with me
I’d rather take a road trip
With you by my side
I’d rather be boo’d up low
Than solo fly
But, the game don’t stop just cus I want it
It’s the price I pay for the road I’m on and
Sometimes, somedays, I just might call you to
Make sure you know that I adore you
Now this airport food, it just can’t feed me and
this life is good but it ain’t easy
These designer things, they can’t console me
Because I need your arms to hold me
I guess it’s like my mama told me
I’d rather be broke than lonely
Written: 07.18.09
On My Mind
I’ve seen the godly fall from grace
I’ve seen the tortoise win the race
I’ve seen a tree grow in the sun
One day at a time
Seen children born, and elders die
Seen lovers laugh, and mourners cry
Seen how rain clouds change the sky
One day at a time
You’re always on my mind.
You’re always on my mind.
Through all the changes
All the time
You’re always on my mind.
Written 08.02.09
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Forgive Me Father
I posted this one on tumblr but then I was like, "uhm, duh, poetry blog?"
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned
And have no intention of stopping.
When the sins have piled up, I’ll call on you again
And ask why it seems that you forgot me.
The road to heaven is a long distance race
And we both know I’m not much for running,
But I pray you set for me a vigorous pace
To stop me from what I’m becoming.
And have no intention of stopping.
When the sins have piled up, I’ll call on you again
And ask why it seems that you forgot me.
The road to heaven is a long distance race
And we both know I’m not much for running,
But I pray you set for me a vigorous pace
To stop me from what I’m becoming.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
If you find...
I've been told
Ignorance is bliss
And I'd much rather know
And feel pain
Where the unknown's a calming abyss
Besides calm, there is nothing to gain
And as gain is the progress of life
Such as first love progress from a kiss
To avoid my unnecessary strife
I would ask you to promise me this
If you find you don't love me
Don't tell me
For I promise, I don't need to know
Just keep on pretending
Affections unending
Never let your misgivings show
If you find you don't love me
Don't tell me
That's a heartbreak you don't need to see
Wrap me up in your arms
Lead me on with your charms
And leave me, in my ignorance, be
If you find you don't love me
Don't tell me
That's an agony I couldn't stand
Like breathing without air
It's just too much to bare
So supply me my only demand
If you find you don't love me
Don't tell me
It is all I will ask of you, this
If you find you must go
Let me be last to know
And leave me then, at least
With a kiss
Ignorance is bliss
And I'd much rather know
And feel pain
Where the unknown's a calming abyss
Besides calm, there is nothing to gain
And as gain is the progress of life
Such as first love progress from a kiss
To avoid my unnecessary strife
I would ask you to promise me this
If you find you don't love me
Don't tell me
For I promise, I don't need to know
Just keep on pretending
Affections unending
Never let your misgivings show
If you find you don't love me
Don't tell me
That's a heartbreak you don't need to see
Wrap me up in your arms
Lead me on with your charms
And leave me, in my ignorance, be
If you find you don't love me
Don't tell me
That's an agony I couldn't stand
Like breathing without air
It's just too much to bare
So supply me my only demand
If you find you don't love me
Don't tell me
It is all I will ask of you, this
If you find you must go
Let me be last to know
And leave me then, at least
With a kiss
Friday, June 5, 2009
Partial Pieces of Poetry
Partial pieces of poetry
Flow through me
Unfinished and beautiful
Half truths indisputable
Diminished by nothing
Short snippets of life
That aren't made less touching
By their lack of length
They exude a strength
That I cling to
And sometimes I wish I could bring you
Paragraphs and pages
of words so sweet it changes your life
And erases, or slows down the fast paces
Of your never ending strife
But I can't
So I give you
Partial pieces of poetry
That flow through me
And hope its enough
Sincerely
Flow through me
Unfinished and beautiful
Half truths indisputable
Diminished by nothing
Short snippets of life
That aren't made less touching
By their lack of length
They exude a strength
That I cling to
And sometimes I wish I could bring you
Paragraphs and pages
of words so sweet it changes your life
And erases, or slows down the fast paces
Of your never ending strife
But I can't
So I give you
Partial pieces of poetry
That flow through me
And hope its enough
Sincerely
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Contractions
I'm on one. And you have NO IDEA how hard I tried to write this poem without contractions. Ehh, no go.
Contractions have become commonplace
We squeeze words together
Because watered down language
Is easier to manage
And watered down people
Must be easier to equal
Because at my full potency
You can't even come close to me
I'm guilty of contracting
I'm guilty of squeezing so I can fit
And I'm guilty of holding back
I'm guilty of wanting so bad
To just be part of the crowd
I forget that as a child of God
I was born to stand out
Contractions have become commonplace
You can take it from me
There's a beauty in the expanded word
We don't know how to see
And in the expanded person
You'll find a beauty the same
So contracting, as a person
I won't be guilty of again.
Contractions have become commonplace
We squeeze words together
Because watered down language
Is easier to manage
And watered down people
Must be easier to equal
Because at my full potency
You can't even come close to me
I'm guilty of contracting
I'm guilty of squeezing so I can fit
And I'm guilty of holding back
I'm guilty of wanting so bad
To just be part of the crowd
I forget that as a child of God
I was born to stand out
Contractions have become commonplace
You can take it from me
There's a beauty in the expanded word
We don't know how to see
And in the expanded person
You'll find a beauty the same
So contracting, as a person
I won't be guilty of again.
Broken Logic
You're not supposed to follow it, and if you do, there's cookies at the finish line, just for you (which wasn't supposed to rhyme, I do that all the time. Dammit, see? -stops talking).
I'm in a mood to write
I don't know what to say
It's like the same confusion
Moves me through every day
So I project the same illusion
A lie in every way
But I'm just so ashamed of losing
That I'm afraid to play
I don't expect you to understand broken logic
It's easier if you don't
Leaves me free to remain honest
I'm holding on to my hope
Don't know what I'd be if I lost it
But like sand through an hourglass
It gets closer and closer to gone
I forget why I'm holding on
And I'm such a monster
My fight with it is so constant
To you, I just seem awkward
That's cool
How would you look at me
If you could see the things I've done
Would you see the progression
What I've been to what I've become?
My mouth makes the wrong impression
I stay silent
You just think I'm dumb
And that's cool
Sometimes I'm inarticulate
I can't explain the things I'm trying to say
It hurts my mouth to speak sometimes
The pain gets in the way
I dance around the subjects
That make the monster upset
And you just think I'm scared
That's cool
But it's cruel at the same time
I'm at war with my own mind
And you can't see it.
Vulnerability makes me weak
So I can't be it
How can I help but to sometimes
Get mad at a world
That left me alone in the spotlight
Just a scared little girl
With all this emotion
And no place to hold it
And no way to control it
Where no words could console it
And nothing fills the hole
I guess all I'm asking for is time
Convoluted and trapped in the words of this rhyme
Is my heart
If I can't get it back from the page
It'll fall apart
The confusion that moves it
Is it's death
And without my hope and my heart
I'll have nothing left
Doomed to write about a sunrise
That I'll never see
Doomed to dream about a woman
That I'll never be
Doomed to follow broken logic
Down a dead end road
Shoulders heavy with emotion
That I can't control
A tortured soul
I'm in a mood to write
I don't know what to say
It's like the same confusion
Moves me through every day
So I project the same illusion
A lie in every way
But I'm just so ashamed of losing
That I'm afraid to play
I don't expect you to understand broken logic
It's easier if you don't
Leaves me free to remain honest
I'm holding on to my hope
Don't know what I'd be if I lost it
But like sand through an hourglass
It gets closer and closer to gone
I forget why I'm holding on
And I'm such a monster
My fight with it is so constant
To you, I just seem awkward
That's cool
How would you look at me
If you could see the things I've done
Would you see the progression
What I've been to what I've become?
My mouth makes the wrong impression
I stay silent
You just think I'm dumb
And that's cool
Sometimes I'm inarticulate
I can't explain the things I'm trying to say
It hurts my mouth to speak sometimes
The pain gets in the way
I dance around the subjects
That make the monster upset
And you just think I'm scared
That's cool
But it's cruel at the same time
I'm at war with my own mind
And you can't see it.
Vulnerability makes me weak
So I can't be it
How can I help but to sometimes
Get mad at a world
That left me alone in the spotlight
Just a scared little girl
With all this emotion
And no place to hold it
And no way to control it
Where no words could console it
And nothing fills the hole
I guess all I'm asking for is time
Convoluted and trapped in the words of this rhyme
Is my heart
If I can't get it back from the page
It'll fall apart
The confusion that moves it
Is it's death
And without my hope and my heart
I'll have nothing left
Doomed to write about a sunrise
That I'll never see
Doomed to dream about a woman
That I'll never be
Doomed to follow broken logic
Down a dead end road
Shoulders heavy with emotion
That I can't control
A tortured soul
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Superman
Let spectators be in love with the hero
I'm fascinated by the alter ego
Let them search to find the secret places we go
When our conversations slip, dip, and whisper
Let them strain their ears to listen
Let them learn to pay attention
There's a gold mine in your spirit
that I dig for
A richness in your essence
that I live for
And a safety in your presence
Thats there's nothing in the world
I wouldn't give for
Let them find it
They've forgotten
But they need to be reminded
That your power is nothing
Without the faith and grace behind it
The pain and stakes all raised without permission
The sacrifices made to fund the vision
All those who have betrayed, and you've forgiven
They shaped, and and paved your way, this life you're living
So let them see the superman you show them
S on your chest, wind in your cape, smile glowing
No matter what the world decides to see
You'll always be a superman to me.
Three people come to mind when I read this. All three of them have some of the hardest hustles I've seen, ever. They'll probably never read it, but if they were too, I'd hope it'd bring a smile, even just for a second.
-A.
I'm fascinated by the alter ego
Let them search to find the secret places we go
When our conversations slip, dip, and whisper
Let them strain their ears to listen
Let them learn to pay attention
There's a gold mine in your spirit
that I dig for
A richness in your essence
that I live for
And a safety in your presence
Thats there's nothing in the world
I wouldn't give for
Let them find it
They've forgotten
But they need to be reminded
That your power is nothing
Without the faith and grace behind it
The pain and stakes all raised without permission
The sacrifices made to fund the vision
All those who have betrayed, and you've forgiven
They shaped, and and paved your way, this life you're living
So let them see the superman you show them
S on your chest, wind in your cape, smile glowing
No matter what the world decides to see
You'll always be a superman to me.
Three people come to mind when I read this. All three of them have some of the hardest hustles I've seen, ever. They'll probably never read it, but if they were too, I'd hope it'd bring a smile, even just for a second.
-A.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
One Text//The Process
This was an exercise, trying to write from a perspective other than mine. I think it came out pretty well. It flowed easy for me. It's not about anything in particular. It mirrors a common situation. Hope y'all enjoy it. =]
I was gettin off the train
and started thinking
Kinda vague
Like, man, I ain't heard from my girl all day
So I started to imagine
all the things that could've happened
Maybe her phone got cut off
Or she left home and just forgot it
But jealousy got the best of me
And brown eyes turned to green
"What if she's off with some nigga somewhere
Not thinkin bout me?"
What if she decided finally that
She's wasting time and tried to find
A man that could be all the things
That I just couldn't be?
Then fear crept up from the rear
Giddy and eager to remind
That I never had officially claimed this woman as mine
So, technically, if she wants to be with somebody thats fine
(That word stabbed me in the heart though, hell no that shit wasn't fine)
So I was sitting on my couch, and just staring at the phone
Tryna figure, should I hit her up
Or just leave her alone
Can't just call her in a jealous rage
'Cause I feel she's my own
Can't just tell her she can never stray
'Cause her voice, to me, is home
Then the realization dawned on me
My heart started to fall
'Cause I figured out this chick I'm calling mine
Ain't mine at all
And that if she didn't want to
Well, she never had to call
It just hit me in the head
Like, man, she never has to call
So I'm sitting, staring, stumbling
Trying to figure what to do
As the thought of me without her
Tries to tear my heart in two
I'm just sitting, staring, stumbling
Wondering what'll happen next
When the phone that I've been staring at rings
Says I've got a text
So I open it, excited, wondering what it's going to say
"Hey love. Wanted to tell you I've been missing you all day."
Nervous heart comes back together
Takes a breath, and gets its wings
Just her presence calms my soul
And moves my mind to better things
I'm rethinking our arrangement
Some things, you've just gotta do
But till then, just a response
"Wassup my love. I missed you too."
I was gettin off the train
and started thinking
Kinda vague
Like, man, I ain't heard from my girl all day
So I started to imagine
all the things that could've happened
Maybe her phone got cut off
Or she left home and just forgot it
But jealousy got the best of me
And brown eyes turned to green
"What if she's off with some nigga somewhere
Not thinkin bout me?"
What if she decided finally that
She's wasting time and tried to find
A man that could be all the things
That I just couldn't be?
Then fear crept up from the rear
Giddy and eager to remind
That I never had officially claimed this woman as mine
So, technically, if she wants to be with somebody thats fine
(That word stabbed me in the heart though, hell no that shit wasn't fine)
So I was sitting on my couch, and just staring at the phone
Tryna figure, should I hit her up
Or just leave her alone
Can't just call her in a jealous rage
'Cause I feel she's my own
Can't just tell her she can never stray
'Cause her voice, to me, is home
Then the realization dawned on me
My heart started to fall
'Cause I figured out this chick I'm calling mine
Ain't mine at all
And that if she didn't want to
Well, she never had to call
It just hit me in the head
Like, man, she never has to call
So I'm sitting, staring, stumbling
Trying to figure what to do
As the thought of me without her
Tries to tear my heart in two
I'm just sitting, staring, stumbling
Wondering what'll happen next
When the phone that I've been staring at rings
Says I've got a text
So I open it, excited, wondering what it's going to say
"Hey love. Wanted to tell you I've been missing you all day."
Nervous heart comes back together
Takes a breath, and gets its wings
Just her presence calms my soul
And moves my mind to better things
I'm rethinking our arrangement
Some things, you've just gotta do
But till then, just a response
"Wassup my love. I missed you too."
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Diary of a Mad Black Woman
Diary of a mad Black Woman
I'm the one that always made you laugh
And I'm the one who cooked the food you didn't know you had
And I'm the one that cheered for you at every b ball game
But when it was time for shout outs, you never shouted my name
I picked up your mothers prescription, and delivered it with care
And tried my best to convince her that you weren't passed out somewhere
(which you were)
And I'm the one that kept condoms stocked, and the strong box locked
So when the next bitch tried to trap you, or rob you, her whole game plan got stopped
It was me who was buying your groceries, me who was paying your bills
Me who kept two extra blankets nearby, cus we all know how you get the chills
Me who was taking your draws to get cleaned, the black ones you swear give you luck
It was me who was alway beside you, when about me, you don't give a fuck.
So I hope that this new chick you got now,
Yeah, I hope this one fills you with pride
And I hope when your world turns upside down
That this new chick is still down to ride
Cus when I left, the strong box was open
And there wasn't no cash left inside
Yeah, when I left, the safe was on empty
This paper will help me
Dry tears from my eyes
Lol! Crack poem y'all. Just jokes. It's for twin. She gave me the idea. Anyway.
THIS WAS WRITTEN THE SAME DAY AS THE ONE BEFORE IT!! I'M ON A FUCKING ROLL!! Plus I'm putting like 1000 words a day into this little story I'm working on now, but y'all will never see that. Ever ever. Okay, done talking.
I'm the one that always made you laugh
And I'm the one who cooked the food you didn't know you had
And I'm the one that cheered for you at every b ball game
But when it was time for shout outs, you never shouted my name
I picked up your mothers prescription, and delivered it with care
And tried my best to convince her that you weren't passed out somewhere
(which you were)
And I'm the one that kept condoms stocked, and the strong box locked
So when the next bitch tried to trap you, or rob you, her whole game plan got stopped
It was me who was buying your groceries, me who was paying your bills
Me who kept two extra blankets nearby, cus we all know how you get the chills
Me who was taking your draws to get cleaned, the black ones you swear give you luck
It was me who was alway beside you, when about me, you don't give a fuck.
So I hope that this new chick you got now,
Yeah, I hope this one fills you with pride
And I hope when your world turns upside down
That this new chick is still down to ride
Cus when I left, the strong box was open
And there wasn't no cash left inside
Yeah, when I left, the safe was on empty
This paper will help me
Dry tears from my eyes
Lol! Crack poem y'all. Just jokes. It's for twin. She gave me the idea. Anyway.
THIS WAS WRITTEN THE SAME DAY AS THE ONE BEFORE IT!! I'M ON A FUCKING ROLL!! Plus I'm putting like 1000 words a day into this little story I'm working on now, but y'all will never see that. Ever ever. Okay, done talking.
No Words
*Gasp* I mean, a new poem/song/thingy? In the same MONTH? Its crazy right? I'm back to gospel, by the way. I needed a refresher
I have no words for you greatness
And I have no words for your grace
I have no words for your faithfulness
Which endures, day by day, day by day
So all I can do is give glory
And all I can do is give praise
All I can do is give my life to you
Do your will Lord, whatever it takes
Here I stand
And I'm holding my heart in my hand
And I'll turn my life over to you, oh God
See me through, oh God
And show me what I need to do, oh God
Hear me pray
Lord I pray that you'll show me the way
And I pray in your grace I will stay, oh God
Never stray, oh God
Just tell me what I need to say, oh God
There are no words for your mercy
And there are no words for your love
And there are no words for the perfect peace
That you've shown me from heaven above
So all I can do is shout thank you
And know that you hear me somehow
All I can do is give my life to you
Do your will Lord, I'm starting right now
Here I stand
And I'm holding my heart in my hand
And I'll turn my life over to you, oh God
See me through, oh God
And show me what I need to do, oh God
Here me pray
Lord I pray that you'll show me the way
And I pray in your grace I will stay, oh God
Never stay, oh God
Just tell me what I need to say, oh God
Oh God
Ohhhhhhhh
I don't deserve all the chances you've given me
I don't deserve to be loved unconditionally
I've made mistakes, and I know I can't fix them now
But you made a way through my sins and I just don't know how
I don't deserve all the good things you've planned for me
I don't deserve all the joy that you've handed me
I don't deserve all the strength you've instilled in me
I don't deserve a savior who was killed for me
I want to be more
I want to be yours
So please
Here I stand
And I'm holding my heart in my hands
ANd I'l turn my life over to you, oh God
See me through, oh God
And show me what I need to do, Oh God
Lord I pray
I just pray that you'll show me the way
And I pray that within me you'll stay, oh God
Never stray, oh God
So they hear you in all that I say, oh God
Here I am
I relinquish myself to your plan
And I don't know what I should do next
oh God
To expect
oh God
But I know that in you I'm blessed
Oh God
Oh, so blessed.
I'ma sing this. I might even record it, but I promise you, I'ma sing the devil out of this. One day.....
I have no words for you greatness
And I have no words for your grace
I have no words for your faithfulness
Which endures, day by day, day by day
So all I can do is give glory
And all I can do is give praise
All I can do is give my life to you
Do your will Lord, whatever it takes
Here I stand
And I'm holding my heart in my hand
And I'll turn my life over to you, oh God
See me through, oh God
And show me what I need to do, oh God
Hear me pray
Lord I pray that you'll show me the way
And I pray in your grace I will stay, oh God
Never stray, oh God
Just tell me what I need to say, oh God
There are no words for your mercy
And there are no words for your love
And there are no words for the perfect peace
That you've shown me from heaven above
So all I can do is shout thank you
And know that you hear me somehow
All I can do is give my life to you
Do your will Lord, I'm starting right now
Here I stand
And I'm holding my heart in my hand
And I'll turn my life over to you, oh God
See me through, oh God
And show me what I need to do, oh God
Here me pray
Lord I pray that you'll show me the way
And I pray in your grace I will stay, oh God
Never stay, oh God
Just tell me what I need to say, oh God
Oh God
Ohhhhhhhh
I don't deserve all the chances you've given me
I don't deserve to be loved unconditionally
I've made mistakes, and I know I can't fix them now
But you made a way through my sins and I just don't know how
I don't deserve all the good things you've planned for me
I don't deserve all the joy that you've handed me
I don't deserve all the strength you've instilled in me
I don't deserve a savior who was killed for me
I want to be more
I want to be yours
So please
Here I stand
And I'm holding my heart in my hands
ANd I'l turn my life over to you, oh God
See me through, oh God
And show me what I need to do, Oh God
Lord I pray
I just pray that you'll show me the way
And I pray that within me you'll stay, oh God
Never stray, oh God
So they hear you in all that I say, oh God
Here I am
I relinquish myself to your plan
And I don't know what I should do next
oh God
To expect
oh God
But I know that in you I'm blessed
Oh God
Oh, so blessed.
I'ma sing this. I might even record it, but I promise you, I'ma sing the devil out of this. One day.....
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
.Purity.
If you know me, you know how much non rhyming poems irk me. This one pretty much made me cry though. I like it =]
Purity
You're just what I needed
You're honesty and silence
You're patience and compassion
You're humor and resilience and faith
You're just what I needed
I've spent many a long night wandering the world
i've seen stars fall
I've seen the moon cover the sun
I've seen hungry children
I've seen love
I've seen poetry in motion
I've seen music, visible and tangible
But never in all my many nights travels have I
Seen anything like you.
I've never seen a spirit that rises with such grace after falling
I've never seen a smile with such warmth
I've never seen a heart so strong regardless of trials
I've never seen so raw a passion
I've never seen so sharp a mind
I've never seen so determined a will
Never in all my many travels have I
Seen anything like you.
You're just what I needed
You're stars falling
You're the moon covering the sun
You're the hunger, ever present in children, but often missing in people
You're love
You're poetry in motion
You're music, visible and tangible
You're just what I needed
You're everything I need
You're purity
Written about four minutes ago. Dedicated to my favorite person.
Purity
You're just what I needed
You're honesty and silence
You're patience and compassion
You're humor and resilience and faith
You're just what I needed
I've spent many a long night wandering the world
i've seen stars fall
I've seen the moon cover the sun
I've seen hungry children
I've seen love
I've seen poetry in motion
I've seen music, visible and tangible
But never in all my many nights travels have I
Seen anything like you.
I've never seen a spirit that rises with such grace after falling
I've never seen a smile with such warmth
I've never seen a heart so strong regardless of trials
I've never seen so raw a passion
I've never seen so sharp a mind
I've never seen so determined a will
Never in all my many travels have I
Seen anything like you.
You're just what I needed
You're stars falling
You're the moon covering the sun
You're the hunger, ever present in children, but often missing in people
You're love
You're poetry in motion
You're music, visible and tangible
You're just what I needed
You're everything I need
You're purity
Written about four minutes ago. Dedicated to my favorite person.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
What I've Got//The Discussion
*Gasp* I know, right? It's only been six weeks. This is a work in progress. I wrote it, but then I got to the mind/heart verse, and that flowed easier than any other part of the song, so I'm thinking I might expand on that part? Not sure. Whatever. He really is asleep on my phone though, muttering, too cute. I'll try to be more consistent, yeah?
He's sleeping on my phone
I wish he could be closer
His presence fills my soul
In this war, he's my soldier
I'll be his ride or die
I'd die to ride beside him
And if this love were blind
I know he'd be my sight
Oh, oh
I know his every thought
Attuned to his emotions
I love to hear him talk
It echoes his devotion
He's got a nasty mind
I can't deny I like it
And if this world were mine
I'd just need him inside it
I'd just need him inside it
I'd just need him
That's what I've got at home
He'll never leave me sad or lonely
Why ever would I roam
When that's what I've got at home?
Home
My mind says this won't last
My heart says try and stop it
My mind brings up my past
My heart's long since forgot it
My mind says take it slow
My heart says fall in deeper
My mind says let him go
My heart says play for keeps
Oh, oh
Sometimes I hear his voice
When I swear no one's speaking
I thought I had a choice
But my resolve is weakening
Don't want to love him so
It seems I have no option
And if he had to go
I'd move the world to stop him
I'd move the world to stop him
I'd move the world
That's what I've got at home
He'll never leave me sad or lonely
Why ever would I roam
When that's what I've got at home?
Home
And if this love were blind
I know he'd be my sight
And if this world were mine
I'd just need him inside
My mind says let him go
My heart says he's a keeper
My mind says let him go
My heart says fall in deeper
My heart says fall in deeper
My heart says fall....
Written: 03.22.09
He's sleeping on my phone
I wish he could be closer
His presence fills my soul
In this war, he's my soldier
I'll be his ride or die
I'd die to ride beside him
And if this love were blind
I know he'd be my sight
Oh, oh
I know his every thought
Attuned to his emotions
I love to hear him talk
It echoes his devotion
He's got a nasty mind
I can't deny I like it
And if this world were mine
I'd just need him inside it
I'd just need him inside it
I'd just need him
That's what I've got at home
He'll never leave me sad or lonely
Why ever would I roam
When that's what I've got at home?
Home
My mind says this won't last
My heart says try and stop it
My mind brings up my past
My heart's long since forgot it
My mind says take it slow
My heart says fall in deeper
My mind says let him go
My heart says play for keeps
Oh, oh
Sometimes I hear his voice
When I swear no one's speaking
I thought I had a choice
But my resolve is weakening
Don't want to love him so
It seems I have no option
And if he had to go
I'd move the world to stop him
I'd move the world to stop him
I'd move the world
That's what I've got at home
He'll never leave me sad or lonely
Why ever would I roam
When that's what I've got at home?
Home
And if this love were blind
I know he'd be my sight
And if this world were mine
I'd just need him inside
My mind says let him go
My heart says he's a keeper
My mind says let him go
My heart says fall in deeper
My heart says fall in deeper
My heart says fall....
Written: 03.22.09
Saturday, February 7, 2009
.Have I Ever.
Seriously? Its been so long. I've got tons of stuff to put up here, I'm just scared. Lol. I don't see that changing any time soon, but you can have this.
Have I Ever?
I've come to the sad conclusion that
I'm just in love with love.
I see it in places it isn't,
In things that he said, and things that he didn't.
It's not that I'm desperate,
It's just that I'm lonely.
And is it so bad
To just wish there was someone to hold me?
See where I come from,
Altruism is scarce.
If you're male, and we're speaking,
Then there's probably something there.
I guess I was too young when I learned
How it lessened the burn
To pretend it was love, and not lust.
That that brightened his eyes,
Brought wetness to my thighs,
It was easy
To think was just between us.
But now that I'm older
The world, once on fire, has grown colder
And I stare at stars, so afraid
Everything that I've felt, so called love
Will all melt away, and be boiled down,
Till it blends in so well with the pain.
Have I ever known anything real
Or have I been made so scared to feel
That I'm numb when it comes?
Have I ever known anything true
Or have I been made so scared of you
That I'll run from love?
Written: 02.07.09
Have I Ever?
I've come to the sad conclusion that
I'm just in love with love.
I see it in places it isn't,
In things that he said, and things that he didn't.
It's not that I'm desperate,
It's just that I'm lonely.
And is it so bad
To just wish there was someone to hold me?
See where I come from,
Altruism is scarce.
If you're male, and we're speaking,
Then there's probably something there.
I guess I was too young when I learned
How it lessened the burn
To pretend it was love, and not lust.
That that brightened his eyes,
Brought wetness to my thighs,
It was easy
To think was just between us.
But now that I'm older
The world, once on fire, has grown colder
And I stare at stars, so afraid
Everything that I've felt, so called love
Will all melt away, and be boiled down,
Till it blends in so well with the pain.
Have I ever known anything real
Or have I been made so scared to feel
That I'm numb when it comes?
Have I ever known anything true
Or have I been made so scared of you
That I'll run from love?
Written: 02.07.09
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Addiction
This isn't a poem, but it's been in my head for a while. I was looking for a picture that described what I was feeling at the moment and I couldn't find one.
I can't find anything that depicts what it looks like when it claws at you. When it creeps up in your throat and renders you incapable of breathing without it. When it lodges itself in your heart and stops the beating. Till your head is light and you can't think straight. No breathing, no beating, no thinking, just feeling. It waits till it gets you there, to that state where all you can do is feel it. Then it takes you, then it claws at every inch of skin it can find with razor sharp talons that scrap at you, and you bleed, oh you bleed, but you don't find it as disgusting as you should. And you scream, oh God, you scream, but you can't remember if its from the pain or the pleasure because it hurts so good. And you're bleeding, and screaming, not breathing, not beating, not thinking, till finally its dark, its pulled you under, to that place where you're safe.
When you come to again, you wait for it, every muscle tensed, waiting for it to claw at your throat again. But you don't know if you're waiting to brace against it, or to embrace it. Because more than you need the air it denies you, the heart beat it steals, the thought it commandeers, you need to see the blood, and you need to hear the screams, and you need to be so exhausted from it that you just go black for awhile, and you need to come back and do it all over again, because more than anything else, you need those silent, invisible pains to make sense.
Addiction
I can't find anything that depicts what it looks like when it claws at you. When it creeps up in your throat and renders you incapable of breathing without it. When it lodges itself in your heart and stops the beating. Till your head is light and you can't think straight. No breathing, no beating, no thinking, just feeling. It waits till it gets you there, to that state where all you can do is feel it. Then it takes you, then it claws at every inch of skin it can find with razor sharp talons that scrap at you, and you bleed, oh you bleed, but you don't find it as disgusting as you should. And you scream, oh God, you scream, but you can't remember if its from the pain or the pleasure because it hurts so good. And you're bleeding, and screaming, not breathing, not beating, not thinking, till finally its dark, its pulled you under, to that place where you're safe.
When you come to again, you wait for it, every muscle tensed, waiting for it to claw at your throat again. But you don't know if you're waiting to brace against it, or to embrace it. Because more than you need the air it denies you, the heart beat it steals, the thought it commandeers, you need to see the blood, and you need to hear the screams, and you need to be so exhausted from it that you just go black for awhile, and you need to come back and do it all over again, because more than anything else, you need those silent, invisible pains to make sense.
Addiction
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