.Untitled.

I type better than I talk but I'm not asking you to listen
Cus I know this is puttin you in a real awkward position
But I'm feelin you
From the perm in your hair down to your tennis shoes
From the laugh in your voice to when you're being hyper critical
& I don't plan on telling you
You've got a good thing going
Its just because I can't have you that all these feelings are growing
Maybe you should stop being all I need
Stop taking my breath away and it'd be easier to breathe
If I wasn't captivated it'd be easier to leave
Walk away, and find a man who was emotionally free
& Its hard for me
Because my homewrecker tendencies
Are telling me to tell you
What we could do in dark rooms
With locked doors
We'd both sweat
And want more
We'd both sweat
But not yet

Let me stop.
This point of this poem isn't something I forgot
Like Weezy
I just wanted you to know that this shit ain't easy
And when I laugh with you
I steel my heart from butterflies
Its what I have to do
To keep this thing of ours alive
& if my attitude matches my alititude
Then I'm the lowest lady under the sun


Cus I caught feelings for the wrong one.

Written: 06/25/08

.Martyr.

she said she doesn't wanna be the solution
Its hard to breathe in all this emotional pollution
She wants to scream but she's choking on your hopes and dreams
And crying tears of all the things you've told her you can't be
And she doesn't want to tell you that you can any longer
She's tired of telling you that you're stronger
Its not fair to put your hopelessness on her
You see she's giving out love by the pound
And when she don't get it back, she only feels let down
But she can't stop now
Its how she steadies herself
When her world gets topsy turvy its enough that she can help you
To get through
It makes her feel a little less resentful
of all the trials that make her life a little too eventful
But whats gonna happen when her heart breaks
&& when all the drama's too much for her to take
Will you step up and become the one she needs
or just turn and leave
Honestly she yearns and bleeds
For someone who won't just give up
When the shit gets rough
She's always thought that she deserved that much
But you're proving her wrong daily
And its driving her so crazy
Cus the weakness she's feeling makes her feel like less of a lady
More respectable maybe
If she just doesn't complain
and just does it again
Leaves her feelings out in the rain
And plasters on a warm smile for your behalf
Because whatever in your life you want
She'll help you have.

Written: 06/18/08

.Shit Happens.

Sometimes shit happens
And it feels like a dream
You remember the heat and the sweat
Not a damn thing in between
You give it as good as you get
Don't give a damn what it means
As long as its hard and it wet
Don't give a damn how it seems

Sometimes shit happens and it seems like a song
As long as the rhythm is good
Don't give a damn whats wrong
As long as its pumping into you
Don't give a damn how long
It could take till the end of the day
If the stamina's strong

Sometimes shit happens
And you can't let it go
It burns in your blood till you speed
But you can't take it slow
It thickens your tongue till you speak
But you can't let em know
It pulls at your knees till you're weak
But you can't let it show.

But sometimes shit happens
And its clear as day
No earthquake or hurricane
Could shake it away
Such things effect your body
Even more than your mind
Till you search your soul for an answer
And you're shocked when you find
That the things you once found important
Unexpectedly changed
And your once valued priorities
Had been rearranged
See we laugh like its hilarious
When others go through
But life gets a little precarious
When shit happens to you.


Written: 05/20/08

.Loves Dreams Never Ending.

I smell roses on the table
&& hear rain on the roof
The rain might be all in my head
But of the roses I still have proof
I remember your chest as my pillow
As soft voices blend in the dark
Our lover’s dreams never ending
Thoughts paced to the beat of your heart
You talk about dreams of tomorrow
I talk about dreams of today
We talk about our dreams together
Afraid that we’ll get in our own way
Conflicted our love is unspoken
Restricted our love is unshown
And though promises sometimes broken
Through out all our love is still known
I reside in the inner workings of what used to be his heart
So I’m there to put back together what he thinks has fallen apart
And when his life seems without purpose I’m right there to get him on track
And on nights he feels like he’s worthless
I’m always there pulling him back
To the scent of roses on the table
And the sound of rain on the roof
The rain might’ve been all in my head
But of the roses I still have proof
Pull you back to your chest as my pillow
Pull you back to that voice in the dark
Pull you back to loves dreams never ending
Pull you back to the beat of your heart.

Written: 04/21/08

.Heavenly.

It’s something closer to ecstasy
When you’re next to me
Like all paths led to this destiny
No matter how I try to escape it
No matter how many tried to grab it or take it
Away from you and I
&& we both know how hard they try
Its still here
We still fear
That touch of heaven that appears
When we’re near
And so we try to give our hearts to others
Like maybe they can help us gravitate away from each other
But we still remember givin’ hickeys in the park,
And long talks on my mothers telephone after dark
And those walks through the ghetto
With our love like a bulletproof vest
Cus there was no weapon to penetrate the strength in my chest
When I was with you
And anything you would ask for I would give you
Everyday a different love song of you swirling through my mental
And when my sanity returned I’d wonder what I’d gotten into
Cus my heart, it wasn’t in me, it was in you
My feelings had become more than superficial
Somethin like overnight, you turned perpetual darkness into light
&& Transformed from Mr. Wright to Mr. Right
To my delight or….wait
Cus I now I couldn’t shake myself from my lovestruck state
Your essence, heavy love, && I just couldn’t bear the weight
Nothing to do but shake your expectations from my shoulders
And focus on the task of moving onward, getting over
So I took the first excuse to make this fullness in me hollow
Boarded an evening bus and quietly told you not to follow
And I know that you’ll still be there for me on tomorrow because
What we have stretches over 967 miles
Over exes and best friends and unbelievable trials
It can’t be defined; lets call it timeless, priceless
Legacy left behind of us like the Goddess Isis
People still talk about us cus love shines despite us
The feelings between us growing and in time they might just
Overcome of us entirely, consume the strong willed
Even when sometimes we just wish that we could not feel
Sometimes I pray to heaven, pray to god so high above
Jesus let it be anything on earth, just not love

But then it’s always a step closer to ecstasy
When you’re next to me
So I guess I’ll just let it be
It’s Heavenly

Written: 4/21/08

.If I Ain't Got You.

Do you have a cure for this?
I don't think you have a cure, oh no
Do you know what real love is?
You say you do but I'm not sure
It seems I've carried you a thousand miles
And now I'm tired.
It may sound selfish but myself is what
I've really got

[ chorus ]
Cus I ain't got you
And it tears me up inside
No I ain't got you
Do you know the tears I've cried?
But this time I'm through
Though my feelings haven't died
I won't stand here any longer
And when I move on I'll be stronger
for not having you.

Can you take this pain away?
Give me something for the pain my baby
Magically explain away
All the worries in my brain
Cus though you say you love me I don't see it
Not at all
And if I stand alone I need to know
So i won't fall

Cus i ain't got you
And it tears me up inside
No I ain't got you
Do you know the tears I've cried
But this time I'm through
Though my feelings havent' died
I won't stand here any longer
And when I move on i'll be stronger
For not having

The cries in the middle of the night
When I thought I couldn't take it anymore
And the lies that I told you all the time
So you wouldn't walk on out that door
I'd trade it all for
The ability to stand
Without holding someone's hand
And to tell the honest truth
When I say i'm done with

Not having you
Cus it tears me up inside
No I ain't got you
Do you know the tears I've cried
But this time I'm through
Though my feelings haven't died
I won't stand here any longer
And when I move on I'll be stronger
for not having you.

Written: Like March of '07ish sometime.

.Post It Notes.

I write my prayers on a post it note
Cus god never reads my four page letters
I ask him how my life's supposed to go
&& when the hell this shits gonna get better
I say I'm sorry for the attitude
Tell him I can't express the gratitude
I've got for breathing
I give him praise for this pen and this page
Cus its the only thing givin my life meaning
He whispers in my ear that soon all will be clear
That winter is almost gone and
Joy will come in the morning
Something special is dawning
A new era in my life
One where maybe for a moment
Everything can turn out right
But before I turn to thank him
He hits me with a blow
Says that to finance this blessing
I must lose someone I know
Says that for every happy moment
A sacrifice must be made
And to be strong for my blessing
Through the trial I must be brave
And I lie
My mouth says that I'm ready but I'm not
And when I open my eyes again
It seems that I've forgotten
everything that he just said to me
Forgotten he was near
Like the whole world's back to cloudy
And was never once so clear
i go back to writing prayers on my tiny post it note
Until I cry so hard you'd never know the prayers that I wrote
But even through my tears I thank him for the blessing that he gave
Because I know he's been listening to the prayers that I've prayed.

Written: 2/27/08