.Pour Into Me.

Pour into me
All your nothingness and nightmares
and I'll turn them into everythings and dreams
If you pour them into me
I can turn your every thunderstorm to sunshine
Turn your winter months to springtime
Love you'll see
I ask you to give to me
All the things that make you toss and turn at night
Hold to things that make you happy
I'll make everything else right
If you let me
I can help you become what you're meant to be
If you take the things that trouble you
And pour them into me


Written: 11.20.08

.Grown.

Wrote the poem in a nightmare. Weird, right?

My mama went away
My mama went away
Seems like just the other day
My mama went away
And now I'm all alone
So now they think I'm grown
But being grown ain't what it seems
I don't have time for dreams
See, now I'm trying to hustle
Now I'm trying to grind
Keep food on the table
A roof o'er this head of mine
Don't have time to cry
Don't have time to pray
Barely have the strength to make it through my day to day
Cus see, My mama went away
My mama went away
Seems like just the other day
My mama went away
And now I'm all alone
So now they think I'm grown
Because I'm out here on my own
So now I guess I'm grown.

I don't remember the date.

pt 4 (the end)

my favorite out of the series

I left three weeks ago
And realized I'd forgotten how to sleep alone
I need the company, thats why I've always got the TV on
And my worst enemy has suddenly become the radio
'Cause all they play is love songs
And we all know how that goes.
Its weird now that I'm killing spiders by myself
And going to change the light bulbs with a foot stool as my help
And the first night? I accidentally cooked for two
Yea, I'm just that used to you
But you know what?
As much as my heart aches
This don't feel like heartbreak
Just another slice of life I finally get to partake of
And even though you weren't my first love
I can honestly say that you were my best and worst love
You taught me how to thirst, love
Didn't know passion till I knew you
Didn't know my own strength, but now I do
And I know I can make it through
Because no matter what tomorrow brings
I'm almost sure I've been through worse things
You see
I left three weeks ago
And now I find that I can finally sleep alone
Don't need the company, so I don't have to have the TV on
And nothing in this world could break up me and the radio
I'm back in love with love songs
And we all know how that goes
I change my lightbulbs, kill my spiders by myself
I'm stronger now, so I'm thanking you for all your help
But every now and then, I still do cook for two
I'm too used to being used to you.

Written: 10.27.08

pt 3

Super sorry, got thrown off. Three today. Pt 3, pt 4, && then another that doesn't have anything to do with anything. I also found a super old notebook full of stuff, so I might post some of that. This is my least favorite, by the way.

"It seems like no matter how I try
We keep getting closer to goodbye
And whatever words I choose to say
Keep pushing you further and further away
This isn't the way its s'possed to be
You're supposed to spend forever here with me
I don't mean to make you cry
Listening to my lullabye..."

Yea? Well you always do
And the heartbroken always sing along with you
So I tell myself that I'm just being strong for you
Because thats what good women are supposed to do
Be strong for to
'Cause times are bound to get rough
And at some point, somebody is bound to give up
But thats when I step in and say enough is enough
It just wouldn't be love if it never got tough
And even though I'm totally devoted
Every word I say, somehow makes you feel demoted
Like I wouldn't give the stars to have your heart
Give up jewelry and cars to be where you are
The main part of your life
Cus doesn't it feel right when we're together
Despite whatever weather
The temperature brings
It is as it'll always be
Between you and me.

Written: 10//16//08

Segue way From the Series [Rainbows]

Compassion is gone
And sympathy with it.
I open my heart
Just to find nothings in it.
You think its all rainbows
But take it from me,
You'd prefer your nightmares
To my reality

You whine and complain
But when do you try?
Only watching the rain
So the sun passes by
Powerful like a train
Leaving tracks in the sky
You'd realize you had rainbows
If you opened your eyes

The storm will engulf us
And cover us all.
The tide sweeps us up-
How we rise, how we fall.
But look the the rain clouds
Yes, look to the sky
And find in life, rainbows
As each storm goes by.

Written: 10.14.08
I wrote pt 3 today but I'll post it tomorrow.

pt 2

There are times I've been afraid to let the real me show,
But you've given me the strength I need to grow.
Everything about the time we spent together
Made me better,
So I'm sad to say its time for me to go.
I don't want any hard feelings-
We've had fun together really,
But I'm looking for a little more than fun.
So its best we don't delay it,
And I truly hate to say it
But my love, this time, I really have to run.

Now you're telling me you'll change
Saying you can make it better
But I know its still the same
Every time we get together
We go right back to the game
We love selfishly, we're childish
Always trying to place the blame
Always trying to place the blame
And I never tell the truth
Till I want to hurt your feelings
Then I let emotions loose
That'll send your mindset reeling
What is it we find appealing
About this sick game we play
Always pulling us together
When we try to walk away?

Well, what else is there to say?
Now i've told you that I'm leavin
But you're begging me to stay
Even though I have no reason
Its the highest price I'll pay
Staying with you is like treason
Its my own heart I betray
Its my own heart I betray
But without you I feel lost
And I fall into your web again
I pay the highest cost
Without thought, cause it feels heaven sent
I give up in exhaust
In my slumber, hear you say
"You weren't leaving anyway"
"You weren't leaving anyway"

Written: 10.13.08

pt 1

I called it part one, cus I've got a feeling there's going to be a part two, && three, & so on...

Hickies left from another woman's mouth are on his neck
And I wonder, how much loyalty can one expect
From a boy who runs around all day
Pretending he's a man?
Diving in and out of pussy, trying to get all that he can.
Living in his mama's house, trying to call himself grown
When there's nothing in his life he's accomplished on his own
So there'd be nothing to gain, if I did decide to claim him
He'd just be one more dependent, take my money, then go spend it

These thoughts pass faster than seconds,
He's still touching and caressing,
but I'm staring at the hickies on his neck.
And it hits me like a train would
Clearer than the light of day would
That he's never going to give me his respect.
Though his hands have known my thighs
I know nothing of his mind
And the heart that beats so fast for me now
Really isn't mine.

As our limbs become untangled
I find I'm no longer strangled
By the thought of leaving what we were behind

Written: 10.11.08

Awkward, Wounded, Selfish, Hurt.

Been a long time, right? I know. I'll try harder.

I'm not expecting greatness
Just expecting patience
Funny how we hate this
And still can't escape this
You tell me you'll wait
But then you get impatient
'If you loved me, then you'd do this'
Isn't motivation
"She was just a girlfriend"
"He was just a boyfriend"
Just like all the others
Left you disappointed
"Not trying to compare but,
When she touched me there, it used to-
Oh, now I've upset you.
Love, I never meant to"

Awkward and wounded and selfish and hurt
We say what sounds "right" when the truth doesn't work
Put love up on pedestals, place it so high
We can't even reach it, despite how we try
We cling to each other, claim that we need
Then run to the next with the fastest of speeds
Looking for something, that we'll never find
Probably cus we've had it, and left it behind.

Awkward and wounded and selfish and hurt
Fumbling at love and praying that it works
Awkward and wounded and selfish and hurt
Fumbling
Tumbling
Crumbling

Written: 10/10/08

.Let You Go.

I was wrong, so wrong.
Led you on for so long.
Don't know how I'll go on
Now you're finally gone.
Can't be mad about it
Thought I could do without it
All the love you gave me
Helped me stand like the air I breathe
So I
Can't blame no one but myself
And I
know all these tears, they just don't help
but oh
All I can do is cry cry
And ask god why


It feels like the sky just fell around me
And all of the world is gray and blue
It feels like the world revolves without me
If I go a day, love, without you
It feels like the air is getting thinner
It feels like my grip is slipping slow
But I've never been a quitter
So I'll never let you go

Written today. I'm gonna youtube it when its finished. Its gonna be pretty. The end.

.Honestly Untitled.

When we began
I saw you as so much more than a man
Where did you go?
Where is that love I used to know?
You have my heart
Even though we're so much farther apart
Then we once were
& All the love I have I'm not sure you deserve

But I can't stop the rain from falling
And I can't stop the birds from calling
So I can't stop myself from loving you
I can't stop the bells from ringing
And I can't stop the choirs from singing
I can't lie to myself, so here's the truth
Boy I can't stop loving you.

Look at us now
You'd think we'd have finally figured it out
But Honestly?
Its too much fun to disagree
Laughs turn to tears
And "I was just joking" gets awfully serious
But we can't stop
Because this ride goes on whether we're strapped in or not

Like I can't stop the rain from falling
&& I can't stop the birds from calling
So I can't stop myself from loving you
I can't stop the bells from ringing
& I can't stop the choirs from singing
I can't lie to myself, so here's the truth
Boy I can't stop loving you

There's my heart in your hands
And you say we can't be friends
But we'll never fall in love again
Take back these lonely nights
Replace truth for all your lies
And hellos for your goodbyes
Cus I realize that

I can't stop the rain from falling
And I can't stop the birds from calling
So I can't stop myself from loving you
I can't stop the bells from ringing
And I can't stop the choirs from singing
I Can't lie to myself so here's the truth
[x2]

Boy I can't stop loving you.

Originally written like last week sometime for Jazmine Sullivan's Fearless Lyric Contest. Wrote the second verse && the bridge thingy just now while I was typing it all out.



Thats the beat I'm working with.

.Persistent Existance.

If there were a river wide
I'd cross it to be by your side
If mountains towered in my way
I'd climb them just to hear you say
Your love for me was still as pure
As it had been the day before
My heart would shudder, knees go weak
To feel your touch, and hear you speak

And if a storm should hinder me
I'd weather it, unendingly
I'd stand the cold, and bear the rain
Just to be near you once again
For days and nights pass without rest
And hearts beat constantly in chests
But i swear this, this small decree
Love without you, there is no me.

Written: I honestly don't even remember. Recently tho. What should I title it?

.Snippet.

I am going anywhere that he goes
And gossip follows everywhere that we go
So people
Save your rumors for the ignorant and feeble
Minded
Cus the energy behind it is misguided and deceitful

Dig a hole in all your drama to lay down in
And hold your breath, cus when you look around you'll see you're drownin
See, all that stress you're bringing him and me got you surrounded
You were so busy clownin
Didn't find the time to strive for higher ground and

Now we're standing on a plateau
So fly, and harder to hold on to than your echo
And we will never let go


Since its not finished I'm not posting a date for when it was written. I found hella old poems the other day. I'll post em eventually.

.Baggage.

The cards are all laid on the table
Your baggage is still by the door
My baggage is all in my head, in my heart
And i know you can't take anymore.
And you've already said you forgive me
And that I could never let you down
And I don't want to say that I'm worthless
But life has no purpose if you're not around
No one makes a sound
The ceiling fan spins
And I know that I'll never feel heartbreak again
If you leave
Because this heartbreak will never end
It'll stay on repeat like the sweetest of sins
You'll be the melody, harmony, drumbeat and strings
For all that we've lost, all the we could be
And i can't help but think
Whats the matter with me
And i just want to scream
Whats the matter with me

C'mere love
Lets go wander down memory lane
Hold my hand, love
We won't get to do it again
Isn't it so insane
How things change
From one way to another
First we're loving, then fussing, then hating each other
We were made for each other
Weren't we?
You don't know how that look in your eyes, it hurts me
Cuts like knives, or worse, see
Cus i thought that we might really be
Something more than the last was
Has our last chance passed us

I'm rambling sweetheart, I know
Buying time, cus I really don't want you to go
I just want you to know
That I want it to work
You tell me the truth about myself
And it hurts
Cus its hard
To look at myself in the mirror
Now that your love has made my vision clearer
And I'll never see it this clearly again
If you go
I'll never let anyone in
You should know
That my hearts in those bags my the door
So in leaving, you're taking it with you.

All I'm really trying to say is I'll miss it.
I'll miss you.

Written: 07/14/08

.Will Work for Food for Thought.

I'm a little, lost, guardian angel
Wings too fragile to get off the ground
With each step that I'm taking I'm shuddering,
Aching
And hoping one day to be found
I need food, I need shelter, and water
I have love, I have life, I have hope
Its hard for me to ask, but I can't let you pass
So I shout out and hope I don't choke
Cus you look like a light to my darkness
And you look like you'll show me a way
I've been lost for so long
So I'll give you this song
Cus you look like you'll make it okay
And I know I should get off your doorstep
And I know my intrusion is rude
But whatever you need, if I have, its agreed,
Oh, I promise I'll work for my food.


This one's to you.
Unhypothetically
=]

Written: 07/02/08

.Tonight.

When I talk to God, it usually rhymes. :-??

Joy always comes
It always comes
Joy always comes with morning
But tell me Lord
Please tell me Lord
What I should do tonight?
I try and pray
I cry and pray
For sun after this storming
But nothing dear,
No nothings clear
It never turns out right.

Tonight I want to fight.

I stand alone
Lift hands alone
And cry to you my savior
I pray for those
Make ways for those
Who hurt me oh, so much
But how can I
Continue trying
to win them your favor
When I your child
Who'll die your child
Am losing my own trust

Tonight I want to just..

Live for a moment
In the sin of the moment
And dance for a night
In the passion of night
Maybe cry for a moment
In the lies of the moment
And sleep for a night
In the heat of the night

Want do for a moment
What I've dreamed every moment
And live for a day
How they live everyday

I'm so tired of the bad guys always finishing first.
But to go against you, that would hurt me the worst.

If it always comes
If it always comes
If Joy always comes in the morning
Then I'll speak the words
And repeat these words
So I'll make it through tonight
Since I tried and prayed
Since I cried and prayed
For the sun after this storming
If its meant to be
Then eventually
Everything will turn out right

I can make it through tonight.

Written: 07/02/08

.Untitled.

I type better than I talk but I'm not asking you to listen
Cus I know this is puttin you in a real awkward position
But I'm feelin you
From the perm in your hair down to your tennis shoes
From the laugh in your voice to when you're being hyper critical
& I don't plan on telling you
You've got a good thing going
Its just because I can't have you that all these feelings are growing
Maybe you should stop being all I need
Stop taking my breath away and it'd be easier to breathe
If I wasn't captivated it'd be easier to leave
Walk away, and find a man who was emotionally free
& Its hard for me
Because my homewrecker tendencies
Are telling me to tell you
What we could do in dark rooms
With locked doors
We'd both sweat
And want more
We'd both sweat
But not yet

Let me stop.
This point of this poem isn't something I forgot
Like Weezy
I just wanted you to know that this shit ain't easy
And when I laugh with you
I steel my heart from butterflies
Its what I have to do
To keep this thing of ours alive
& if my attitude matches my alititude
Then I'm the lowest lady under the sun


Cus I caught feelings for the wrong one.

Written: 06/25/08

.Martyr.

she said she doesn't wanna be the solution
Its hard to breathe in all this emotional pollution
She wants to scream but she's choking on your hopes and dreams
And crying tears of all the things you've told her you can't be
And she doesn't want to tell you that you can any longer
She's tired of telling you that you're stronger
Its not fair to put your hopelessness on her
You see she's giving out love by the pound
And when she don't get it back, she only feels let down
But she can't stop now
Its how she steadies herself
When her world gets topsy turvy its enough that she can help you
To get through
It makes her feel a little less resentful
of all the trials that make her life a little too eventful
But whats gonna happen when her heart breaks
&& when all the drama's too much for her to take
Will you step up and become the one she needs
or just turn and leave
Honestly she yearns and bleeds
For someone who won't just give up
When the shit gets rough
She's always thought that she deserved that much
But you're proving her wrong daily
And its driving her so crazy
Cus the weakness she's feeling makes her feel like less of a lady
More respectable maybe
If she just doesn't complain
and just does it again
Leaves her feelings out in the rain
And plasters on a warm smile for your behalf
Because whatever in your life you want
She'll help you have.

Written: 06/18/08

.Shit Happens.

Sometimes shit happens
And it feels like a dream
You remember the heat and the sweat
Not a damn thing in between
You give it as good as you get
Don't give a damn what it means
As long as its hard and it wet
Don't give a damn how it seems

Sometimes shit happens and it seems like a song
As long as the rhythm is good
Don't give a damn whats wrong
As long as its pumping into you
Don't give a damn how long
It could take till the end of the day
If the stamina's strong

Sometimes shit happens
And you can't let it go
It burns in your blood till you speed
But you can't take it slow
It thickens your tongue till you speak
But you can't let em know
It pulls at your knees till you're weak
But you can't let it show.

But sometimes shit happens
And its clear as day
No earthquake or hurricane
Could shake it away
Such things effect your body
Even more than your mind
Till you search your soul for an answer
And you're shocked when you find
That the things you once found important
Unexpectedly changed
And your once valued priorities
Had been rearranged
See we laugh like its hilarious
When others go through
But life gets a little precarious
When shit happens to you.


Written: 05/20/08

.Loves Dreams Never Ending.

I smell roses on the table
&& hear rain on the roof
The rain might be all in my head
But of the roses I still have proof
I remember your chest as my pillow
As soft voices blend in the dark
Our lover’s dreams never ending
Thoughts paced to the beat of your heart
You talk about dreams of tomorrow
I talk about dreams of today
We talk about our dreams together
Afraid that we’ll get in our own way
Conflicted our love is unspoken
Restricted our love is unshown
And though promises sometimes broken
Through out all our love is still known
I reside in the inner workings of what used to be his heart
So I’m there to put back together what he thinks has fallen apart
And when his life seems without purpose I’m right there to get him on track
And on nights he feels like he’s worthless
I’m always there pulling him back
To the scent of roses on the table
And the sound of rain on the roof
The rain might’ve been all in my head
But of the roses I still have proof
Pull you back to your chest as my pillow
Pull you back to that voice in the dark
Pull you back to loves dreams never ending
Pull you back to the beat of your heart.

Written: 04/21/08

.Heavenly.

It’s something closer to ecstasy
When you’re next to me
Like all paths led to this destiny
No matter how I try to escape it
No matter how many tried to grab it or take it
Away from you and I
&& we both know how hard they try
Its still here
We still fear
That touch of heaven that appears
When we’re near
And so we try to give our hearts to others
Like maybe they can help us gravitate away from each other
But we still remember givin’ hickeys in the park,
And long talks on my mothers telephone after dark
And those walks through the ghetto
With our love like a bulletproof vest
Cus there was no weapon to penetrate the strength in my chest
When I was with you
And anything you would ask for I would give you
Everyday a different love song of you swirling through my mental
And when my sanity returned I’d wonder what I’d gotten into
Cus my heart, it wasn’t in me, it was in you
My feelings had become more than superficial
Somethin like overnight, you turned perpetual darkness into light
&& Transformed from Mr. Wright to Mr. Right
To my delight or….wait
Cus I now I couldn’t shake myself from my lovestruck state
Your essence, heavy love, && I just couldn’t bear the weight
Nothing to do but shake your expectations from my shoulders
And focus on the task of moving onward, getting over
So I took the first excuse to make this fullness in me hollow
Boarded an evening bus and quietly told you not to follow
And I know that you’ll still be there for me on tomorrow because
What we have stretches over 967 miles
Over exes and best friends and unbelievable trials
It can’t be defined; lets call it timeless, priceless
Legacy left behind of us like the Goddess Isis
People still talk about us cus love shines despite us
The feelings between us growing and in time they might just
Overcome of us entirely, consume the strong willed
Even when sometimes we just wish that we could not feel
Sometimes I pray to heaven, pray to god so high above
Jesus let it be anything on earth, just not love

But then it’s always a step closer to ecstasy
When you’re next to me
So I guess I’ll just let it be
It’s Heavenly

Written: 4/21/08

.If I Ain't Got You.

Do you have a cure for this?
I don't think you have a cure, oh no
Do you know what real love is?
You say you do but I'm not sure
It seems I've carried you a thousand miles
And now I'm tired.
It may sound selfish but myself is what
I've really got

[ chorus ]
Cus I ain't got you
And it tears me up inside
No I ain't got you
Do you know the tears I've cried?
But this time I'm through
Though my feelings haven't died
I won't stand here any longer
And when I move on I'll be stronger
for not having you.

Can you take this pain away?
Give me something for the pain my baby
Magically explain away
All the worries in my brain
Cus though you say you love me I don't see it
Not at all
And if I stand alone I need to know
So i won't fall

Cus i ain't got you
And it tears me up inside
No I ain't got you
Do you know the tears I've cried
But this time I'm through
Though my feelings havent' died
I won't stand here any longer
And when I move on i'll be stronger
For not having

The cries in the middle of the night
When I thought I couldn't take it anymore
And the lies that I told you all the time
So you wouldn't walk on out that door
I'd trade it all for
The ability to stand
Without holding someone's hand
And to tell the honest truth
When I say i'm done with

Not having you
Cus it tears me up inside
No I ain't got you
Do you know the tears I've cried
But this time I'm through
Though my feelings haven't died
I won't stand here any longer
And when I move on I'll be stronger
for not having you.

Written: Like March of '07ish sometime.

.Post It Notes.

I write my prayers on a post it note
Cus god never reads my four page letters
I ask him how my life's supposed to go
&& when the hell this shits gonna get better
I say I'm sorry for the attitude
Tell him I can't express the gratitude
I've got for breathing
I give him praise for this pen and this page
Cus its the only thing givin my life meaning
He whispers in my ear that soon all will be clear
That winter is almost gone and
Joy will come in the morning
Something special is dawning
A new era in my life
One where maybe for a moment
Everything can turn out right
But before I turn to thank him
He hits me with a blow
Says that to finance this blessing
I must lose someone I know
Says that for every happy moment
A sacrifice must be made
And to be strong for my blessing
Through the trial I must be brave
And I lie
My mouth says that I'm ready but I'm not
And when I open my eyes again
It seems that I've forgotten
everything that he just said to me
Forgotten he was near
Like the whole world's back to cloudy
And was never once so clear
i go back to writing prayers on my tiny post it note
Until I cry so hard you'd never know the prayers that I wrote
But even through my tears I thank him for the blessing that he gave
Because I know he's been listening to the prayers that I've prayed.

Written: 2/27/08